


Even on your own, you are not alone

by noctlis



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 07:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18464749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noctlis/pseuds/noctlis
Summary: Shukita Week Day 1: ComfortAkira feels like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Yusuke reminds him he's not alone.





	Even on your own, you are not alone

Akira can't sleep.

There's an overwhelming weight pressing down on his chest, crushing him slowly, slowly, until his breath seems to halt somewhere between his lungs and his throat and his limbs feel strangely numb. All he can manage is short, quiet gasps as he tries to keep himself from shaking, as he buries his face into his pillow and prays he won't accidentally awaken Morgana.

He had crawled into bed earlier determined to fall asleep as quickly as possible so he could avoid this, but of course, that had proved impossible.   


He can still see the scene from earlier that night playing in his mind: everyone staring at him, their eyes searching, piercing, their expectations and fears and worries all culminating into something painfully palpable while they waited for Akira to speak and tell them exactly what they needed to hear. Because he's their leader, because it falls on his shoulders to guide them even when all hope seems lost. Because if he can't hold them together, they'll burst apart at the seams.   


He had done his best. He had encouraged them and provided them with the support he knows they've come to anticipate from him. And it had worked, for the time being. Even if everything has gone to shit and the Phantom Thieves are being treated as murderers, at least he can still rally his team.

But as much as he had given to the others seems to have been taken from him, leaving him with an emptiness that clings far after they had all gone home for the night. So here he is, lying awake in his bed at ungodly hours, mind racing, heart pounding in his chest, feeling more alone than he's ever felt in his whole life. It's stupid and pointless, he knows, and yet he can't stop himself from thinking it over and over again.   


Everyone relies on him. They need a strong leader, someone who never doubts himself or them, someone who will take on responsibility for them and ground them whenever they begin to stray. They need a leader who is always in control, always ready to take on any challenge and help them through their struggles. And they have long viewed Akira as just that. Akira has of course only ever worked his hardest to fulfill that role so they won't have to worry anymore. But in the end... That means Akira has no one left. He must take on every burden himself and lock away his heart from everyone. He hides his anxieties, his insecurities, his panic beneath the same calm, confidant facade he's grown used tp, and he keeps smiling even when he he feels like he's going to crack like glass shattering against concrete. It's all he can do.

He's the leader of the Phantom Thieves. He's not allowed to show weakness.   


But the moment Akira starts to feel like he'll suffocate, like he just can't take it anymore, his phone buzzes quietly beside him. He half expects Morgana to wake up at the noise, but the cat continues to sleep contentedly curled up beside him so he reaches over and picks up the device, his head a bit fuzzy. He doesn't even check caller ID as he answers, his only thought a vague question of the identity of the caller. "It's me," he mumbles, his voice sounding a bit off, strangled and rough. It definitely doesn't sound normal but maybe he can play it off and say it's because he just woke up. As if that would be believable.   


"Akira," the caller says, familiar deep voice rumbling in his ears and reverberating in his skull.   


"Yusuke..." It really could have been anyone, and yet it somehow feels right that it should be the artist who calls Akira in the dead of night, when the rest of the world slumbers and the both of them certainly should be asleep as well. He's not really surprised, merely curious as he asks, "Why are you calling this late?"   


Yusuke pauses for a moment. Akira can hear him breathing deeply on the other line and can imagine the crease in his brow, the pursing of his lips while he thinks about what he's about to say. "I'm not entirely sure," he finally says quietly. "I just had a feeling... Or rather, something felt wrong. I found myself regretting the events that transpired earlier this evening and no matter how hard I attempted to put those thoughts out of mind, I could not ignore them." As Yusuke speaks, Akira already feels a gentle wave of warmth steadily washing over him. "I could not sleep and for some reason, I felt the same might apply to you. Thus I was struck by the intense urge to see you once more."   


Akira can't help a small, amused smile despite himself. "We'll see each other again tomorrow."   
"That is true, however..." Yusuke pauses again, probably bites his lip before adding, "I may or may not have walked from the Kosei dorms to Leblanc."

"You what?!"

Akira shoots up abruptly, almost knocking Morgana off the bed and unceremoniously startling the feline into consciousness in his shock. Morgana blinks wide eyed at him, his fur standing on end and for the moment, all Akira can do is send him an apologetic half-smile.

Based on Yusuke's tone, Akira can tell he's grimacing. "I know it was not the best idea, but deep down I… I felt as though you needed me. Or perhaps," he amends. "Not necessarily me. Just. Someone. So I did the only thing I could think to do."

The warmth grows a bit stronger.

"Well, I guess I better come let you in then, shouldn't I," Akira says. 

After hanging up his phone, he shuffles out of his bed, ignoring the accusatory stare Morgana gives him and making his way down to the cafe. As soon as he reaches the door, he sees Yusuke standing outside, a jacket pulled over a loose t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants speckled with lobsters. Just as Akira begins to wonder briefly if Futaba had maybe gifted them to him, Yusuke turns to look inside the cafe and spots him, an immediate, breathtaking smile breaking out across his face as he waves, and instantly all other thoughts escape him. He unlocks the door and opens it so Yusuke can step inside.

"Akira," Yusuke says, grasping Akira's shoulders firmly but gently once he's inside. "I apologize for trespassing on your hospitality, especially at this time of night, but thank you for inviting me in nonetheless."

"You know, it's not really trespassing when you're always welcome here, Yusuke," Akira replies, unable to keep himself from smiling again. The warmth that radiates outward from Yusuke's touch spreads its way into Akira's chest and plants itself there, unwavering and soothing. At his words, Yusuke's expression grows softer and he gives Akira's shoulders one more squeeze before he lowers his arms back down, although Akira doesn't have the chance to mourn the loss of his touch as Yusuke instead reaches out and grabs his hand, fingers lacing between Akira's as if they've always belonged there. They probably have.

"Come," Yusuke says, taking the lead and beginning to pull Akira toward the stairs. "It's quite past our bedtime."

Akira lets Yusuke guide him back to the attic, doesn't even question it when Yusuke approaches his bed and gestures at a very perturbed Morgana to make room. However much the cat seems to want to interrogate them though, he doesn't act on it, merely staying silent as he shifts toward the bottom of the bed. With Morgana out of the way, Yusuke helps Akira back into bed before climbing in beside him.

This isn't the first time they've shared a bed but it's the first time Akira has felt so comforted by the notion, by the feeling of Yusuke beside him, by the way his body conforms to fill the space next to the artist as if it were the most natural thing in the world. They barely have to shift or reconfigure their positions at all to fit in the relatively small bed together, and quickly, Akira feels a sense of calm he hadn't imagined possible settling over him. Yusuke's arms wrapped around him, hands rubbing gentle circles into his back; their legs tangled together; Akira's head resting against Yusuke's chest, Yusuke's heartbeat drumming out a slow and steady rhythm that seems to drain the tension from Akira's body. His worries from before seem to melt away, secondary to the contentedness he feels here in Yusuke's arms.

"Akira, there is one more thing." Yusuke's voice is a whisper, tender and sweet in Akira's ears. Akira hums to show he had heard. "I know you have a habit of keeping your feelings and thoughts to yourself out of consideration for the rest of us, but this method of dealing with your stress is rather unhealthy. I'm always here for you, and always willing to listen." Unbridled kindness. The warmth seems to spread all the way downward to the very tips of Akira's toes. "I want you to tell me everything that's on your mind so you no longer have to suffer on your own. But it can wait until tomorrow, of course. For now, get some well deserved sleep."

Akira's eyes are already beginning to droop as he feels the softest brush of lips to the top of his head. His heart feels full to bursting as he lets out a deep sigh and nods the slightest bit, exhaustion at last starting to take over. "... Alright," he murmurs. "Tomorrow." 

Perhap, he realizes belatedly. Perhaps he doesn't have to be alone after all. The fear that no one would be there to support him, that he has to do everything on his own… The self imposed isolation. Maybe it's not really the case in the end. Because Yusuke is here.

Tomorrow, he'll find the courage unlock the cage around his heart and finally lay all his flaws to rest.


End file.
